Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager belongs to Paramount, the 
contents of this story, however, is mine.
Note: I didn't like the way Kathryn rebuffed Chakotay when he 
gave her the watch for her birthday in Year of Hell I. So I let my 
mind wander once again on the occasion of or most favorite 
Captain's birthday--May 20th. A bit prematurely in 1998 AD but 
who cares? Let's make a jump to right ...
Rated: PG


Day 65
*May 20th*
by Claudia

"Happy birthday, Kathryn."
Kathryn stared at her First Officer in disbelief. He'd remembered 
her birthday whereas she herself had forgotten it? Forgotten 
because of all the trouble Voyager had gotten into? Maybe, 
Kathryn wasn't sure whether she had wanted to forget her 
birthday on purpose. Maybe she didn't want to be reminded of 
more joyful birthdays, especially now that they were amidst the 
Year of Hell. Somehow it didn't seem right to celebrate her 
birthday in times of war.
But then she wanted nothing more than run away as far as 
possible, leave all her troubles and responsibilities behind her, 
forget them. Kathryn was so tired, both physically and 
emotionally. All she wanted was a decent meal--rabbit with 
vegetables, strawberries with cream, perhaps--a hot shower and 
a soft bed to sleep in.
And a man to take care of her. She wasn't sure whether the man 
she missed when lying alone in her bed was Mark, the man she 
was engaged with, or the man who was squatting next to her 
now, smiling at her. In her heart she knew that it was Chakotay 
whom she wished to be at her side, but her mind told her 
otherwise. *Love is the triumph of emotions over intelligence* 
she'd read somewhere. And the instant this thought came to her 
mind she knew that love would triumph once more soon.
How could she be so blind as to push back the man who loved 
her? In his presence she felt complete, alive, whereas in Mark's 
presence she'd never felt that way. With Mark, she could have 
never overcome a fight as severe as she'd had with Chakotay 
because of their alliance with the Borg against Species 8472. 
He'd kept her sane on New Earth, had urged her to fight the 
alien that wanted to nurture itself with her spirit, had trusted her 
with his very life on so many occasions ... With him, she felt 
more secure and protected than she'd ever felt with Mark.
Now she smiled back at him, smiled into his hot dirty unshaven 
face, realized that she didn't look any better than him. "Oh! 
Thank you." To her own surprise she now was glad he'd 
remembered her birthday. So she could escape from reality at 
least for a minute or two.
"I have a little something for you," he said, his secretive smile 
carving deep dimples into his stubble. Then he produced a silver 
pocket watch from his pocket. He took Kathryn's free hand and 
put the watch right into it.
The metal, though warmed by his body, felt comfortably cool 
against her hot skin. Environmental Control failed a little more 
each day, it was already disagreeably hot by now. How much 
did she wish for a cool shower, but they had to save water, and 
the sonic showers had been broken for she didn't remember how 
long. The face was beautifully crafted and made her remember 
her grandfather who'd owned a similar one. She turned the 
watch over and found the back of it shiny and chased with an 
intricate pattern of Celtic knots, tendrils and animals.
She lifted her eyes from the pocket watch to look into his 
obsidian ones.
"It's a replica of the watch that belonged to one of my ancestors, 
Captain Cray of the British Navy. His ship got lost in a 
thunderstorm and they lost their bearings, but eventually he 
made it back to London harbor--with his ship and crew," 
Chakotay told her. "I want you to have it."
"Oh Chakotay ... " she said, for once lost for words. She was so 
touched and her heart told her to hug and kiss him, but her mind 
told her they weren't alone on the bridge. "Thank you so much." 
So instead she merely raised her hand to cup his hot stubbly 
cheek.
The smile that brightened his face betrayed Chakotay's feelings. 
He too wanted nothing more than gather her in his arms and 
forget about everything around them. So he blinked and covered 
her hand with his, kissing her palm ever so softly. "You're 
welcome, Kathryn. I'm so glad you like it." Then he got up and 
tended to the things he'd left alone before.
Kathryn stared at him leaving for a while, then fixed her full 
eyes on the watch for an eternity or so before she carefully put it 
into her pocket. During the rest of her shift she checked every 
now or then on it, being relieved when she found the watch 
where she'd put it.

(_///_)

The night was hot, but Kathryn shivered nevertheless. After a 
seemingly endless day on the bridge, she'd eventually retreated 
to her half-destroyed quarters to get some rest. She'd put the 
pocket watch on her nightstand. The T-shirt she'd put on for bed 
was uncomfortably damp and she couldn't decide whether to 
pull the sheets over her or do without them.
She felt so lonely, despite the warmth the crew who knew about 
her birthday had expressed towards her during the day. Just for 
once she didn't want to be Captain Kathryn Janeway, the 
powerful, strong woman, but simply Kathryn, the feeling woman 
who needed love just like everybody else. It was days like these 
that made her wonder whether her sacrifices were worth it. 
Sometimes she doubted it. She too needed somebody to lean 
into, someone she could share her thoughts and feelings with, 
someone who understood her ... Chakotay.
Now she couldn't push it away any longer. She loved him. But 
going to him now, in this situation, would mean she couldn't 
handle this. Maybe he'd think her taking advantage of him if she 
went and told him now. And this was the last thing she wanted 
him to think. She realized that she'd been feeling lonely for quite 
a while now, but it was times like these when it was worst.
The door chime sounded and woke her from her musings. She 
sat upright with a start before she wondered who or what needed 
her attention now. Why couldn't people leave her alone, just for 
once? It was her birthday after all.
"Yes?" Her voice sounded harsher than she'd intended. She got 
up but didn't bother to put on her robe. It was too hot. 
The doors glided open--no longer smoothly and quickly--and 
let Chakotay enter her quarters.
"Am I disturbing you?" he asked, somewhat embarrassed 
although he'd already seen her with less clothing. Just like her 
he'd given himself a lick and a promise to feel at least a little 
like a civilized person before he'd changed into something more 
comfortable than his dirty uniform. He'd even shaved, although 
he'd had to do it the oldfashioned way and thus had cut his skin 
on his cheek. He was carrying his medicine bundle under his 
arm.
"No," Kathryn said relieved, in fact she was more than grateful 
for his company. "Can't sleep either, can you?"
He nodded and held out his bundle. "I thought maybe you 
wanted to escape reality for a while? This is nothing compared 
to a holodeck, but ... "
"No, it's always better than the holodeck," Kathryn replied.
Chakotay merely nodded. They sat down on the floor in the 
living area and Chakotay was about to open his bundle when 
Kathryn remembered her own. It was one of her most cherished 
secrets because it was the only way her love for him had found 
from her heart into reality. But now it seemed right to show him. 
Kathryn was tired of hiding from him, for this she'd doing for 
the last four and a half years. She didn't want to hide any longer.
So she got up to go and get it from the chest of drawers. To her 
surprise Chakotay merely nodded when he recognized the 
similar bundle she was carrying when she returned from her 
bedroom. But she knew that his calm façade betrayed his 
feelings, she just had to read his eyes. After she'd once again sat 
down on the soft carpet with crossed legs, he began to arrange 
the items of his bundle on the deerskin serving as a bag.
"The wing of a blackbird.
The stone from a river.
The akunah."
Kathryn had to smile about the familiarity of his medicine 
bundle. She'd only seen its contents once and this had been ages 
ago. But she would always remember the day he introduced her 
to her spirit guide, she wouldn't forget a single moment. It had 
been almost like lovemaking then, considering the intimacy and 
closeness they'd shared then.
Chakotay caught her radiant eyes and looked at her expectantly. 
When she hesitated a little, he squeezed her hand encouragingly. 
He knew very well what the revelation of the contents of her 
bundle meant to her. But just like her he found this moment to 
be the right one.
Eventually Kathryn unwrapped her bundle and spread the 
contents of it on the soft leather skin of a Deltan animal. 
Following Chakotay's example, she named each item she put on 
the skin.
"A stone from the river." Chakotay knew exactly which river she 
meant. It was their river on New Earth, the river they'd never 
cruised. The stone a token of a hope not yet lost.
"A yellow rose." He barely could suppress a gasp when she put 
the yellow rose on the skin. It was exactly the one he'd given her 
before they'd gone on their moonlight sail on Lake George. 
She'd preserved it with a chemical and added it to her medicine 
bundle.
Strong medicine that suited her powerful owner appropriately.
"The akunah." She finally said and rested her hands in her lap.
Chakotay nodded, a soft smile playing about the corners of his 
mouth.
Their hands found their way into each other's almost by 
themselves, with the other hand they touched their akunahs. 
However it was Chakotay who asked the spirit's permission to 
enter their realm.
"Akoochemoya, we are far from the bones of our ancestors, far 
from the bones of our people ... "
Kathryn didn't hear his last words. She'd closed her eyes the 
instant he'd started to speak and was almost instantaneously 
swept away into a realm that was incomparably more peaceful 
than the world that nurtured her body.
But when she opened her eyes, she didn't find the shore she was 
used to find herself at, but in a clearing. It was the clearing of 
New Earth. Only then did she realized that she was still holding 
Chakotay's hand in hers. He looked down at her and smiled. 
Their akunahs had taken them to the place they'd been most 
happy together.
The feeling of peace that had coated them came back now, 
making the two human beings forget the turmoil of their lives 
for at least a short period. 

(_///_)

Wolf and Lizard remained where they were, in the underbrush at 
the edge of the clearing, just watching their protégés. She 
realized the tears that were streaming down Kathryn's eyes and 
she told Lizard who didn't have that good eyes like her friend. 
Lizard merely nodded and let Wolf know in their own way of 
communication that this time he wasn't going to soothe her. 
"They've finally found each other, it's not up to us to now to take 
care for them." The last thing they saw them do was gathering 
each other in a tight embrace and standing like this, rocking 
back and forth until they sank to the ground from exhaustion. 
Wolf tilted her dark yellow-eyed head. Without a word she 
turned and slunk away through the thick underbrush, followed 
suit by Lizard only instants later.*

(_///_)

Chakotay wasn't surprised to find himself lying on the floor of 
her quarters, lying spoons with Kathryn. Despite the heat he'd 
never felt more comfortable in his life. The strands of her short 
hair were tickling his nose and when he nuzzled her neck with 
his nose, she turned in his embrace.
He'd feared to find embarrassment on her expression, anger and 
disappointment about him having obviously taken advantage of 
her. But instead he found nothing but love and the feeling of 
emotional rest and peace. He wondered who of the two of them 
had been the Angry Warrior.
"I love you, Chakotay," Kathryn softly said. "I'm so happy with 
you. Don't ever leave alone."
"I won't. I love you, too, Kathryn Janeway."
And finally, their lips found each others for their first kiss, 
tempting and teasing at first, but growing more and more 
passionate.

(_///_)

Day 70--May 25th 

Five days later, her lover and her best friend's lover were 
abducted by Annorax.

(_///_)

You cannot harm me
	You cannot harm one
		who had a dream like mine
					---Ojibwa